WHOOO! Time to see what all this Homestuck bullshit is. Apparently it’s some webcomic thingy but it has like music and animation and shit. Also there are like juggalos and also a dude who part bird or something? I dunno, man. We’ll see. My friends are gonna owe me for making me do this.
Make it fucking so.
A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 13th of April, 2009, is this young man’s birthday. Though it was thirteen years ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name!
What will the name of this young man be?
What the hell is wrong with this universe? Dafuq did his parents call him when he was 8? “Hey you with the square eyes!”
Also what the hell is SBURB?
Anyway I name him FRED because he looks like a Fred.
Okay, so he’s not named Fred or Zoosmell Pooplord (WTF) but is named JOHN. In all caps for some reason because things in caps are FUCKING IMPORTANT. Also fuck you author Ghostbusters was awesome wait that’s Ghostbusters II nevermind.
We’re good. We’re all good.
Also what kind of last name is EGBERT?
Okay, so JOHN apparently doesn’t have any arms and we have to help him move his crap around.
Oh that’s real fucking clever.
Also SYLLADEX. Whateverthefuck that is. Apparently not even JOHN knows that.
In JOHN’s room is a large pile of MISCELLANEOUS SHIT. He stores this in his INVENTORY SYSTEM WITH A MADE UP NAME, which is described in SEVERAL PARAGRAPHS OF EXPOSITION AND MORE MADE UP WORDS. There is also a link to the websites store (classy) and also his dad is very supportive, which is nice I guess.
I still have no clue what he’s supposed to be doing though. Hell, not even House can figure it out.
Oh wow is that a shitty inventory system that shoots your crap at you randomly. Good thing you don’t have anything heavy that could do damage if it hit you. Like, you know a HAMMER. Why don’t you just pick up your crap like a normal person, JOHN?
And for fucks sake don’t shit on your desk. What are you a five year old?
Wow he wasn’t kidding about the terrible movies.
Look, even Picard is ashamed. Granted, Con Air at least has Nicolas Cage going for it.
You’ve marked your birthday, the 13th of April. Another day you marked was supposed to be the arrival date for the highly touted SBURB BETA LAUNCH.
It’s been three days already. It’s starting to become a sore subject with you.
Oh so that’s what the SBURB thing is. Apparently they forgot a letter someplace. Don’t know why you’d be so excited about a beta you know it’s gonna be glitchy as hell.
Quality entertainment right there.
Made it yourself, huh? Never would’ve guessed. Also got some real creative file names there.
Props for the Slimer though.
Oh wow it’s AIM. Takes me back to middle school.
>dedicated text client
>colored text
>terrible grammar
>joking about pissing in a bottle
Yup definitely middle school. JOHN’s taste in movies remains terrible. Blarg so much text.
This TG person at least cuts to the damn chase rather than rambling about the movie.